Let’s Talk: The Leadership Mask—When to Wear It, When to Take It Off

Are you wearing a mask at work?

We all do it—whether it’s maintaining professionalism, avoiding conflict, or simply fitting in. But when does this mask help us, and when does it hold us back?

And more importantly—how does it impact trust in teams?

What Japanese Culture Says About Wearing a Mask at Work

When You Didn’t Realise You Were Wearing One…

Growing up, my dad worked for a Japanese firm in the ’80s and ’90s. As an Aussie from Queensland, he quickly learned that business etiquette wasn’t just about performance—it was about decoding the unspoken rules.

👉 Never leave before your boss does.

👉 Eat whatever is given to you—even chicken feet.

👉 Don’t blow your nose loudly in public—but DO slurp your noodles.

One night after a sake-fueled work dinner (very much part of the culture), a Japanese colleague insisted on driving him home. Dad hesitated, not wanting to impose, but eventually agreed—only to realise the man had woken his wife at 2 AM, instructing her to get out of bed, come into the city, and pick them up.

My dad was mortified. My mum? She found it hilarious—and made it very clear what would happen if he ever asked her to do the same! 😉

Over time, Dad learned about the Japanese cultural concepts of Tatemae and Honne—a social code for when to wear the mask and when to take it off.

• Tatemae = The polished, public-facing mask we wear to keep the peace.
• Honne = Our true thoughts and feelings, shared only with trusted people.

This framework helps maintain harmony in Japanese culture, but in our fast-paced, global workplace, it can create barriers to trust. If everyone wears the mask all the time, people hold back, play it safe, and valuable perspectives are lost.

When Do We Wear the Mask at Work?

Yes, sometimes we need to wear the mask. We see Tatemae play out every day:

😃 You greet your boss as they step off stage with, ‘Great job on the all-staff update! (Even if it missed the mark, because now isn’t the time for feedback!)

😃 You nod along in a meeting, even though you’re unclear. (“Yep, all good!”)

😃 A colleague pitches an idea that triples your workload. (“So innovative!”)

But here’s the problem: When everyone stays polite and surface-level, teams lose what matters most—trust.

Building Trust Isn’t About Time—It’s About Courage

Patrick Lencioni, in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, puts it plainly:

“The key ingredient to building trust isn’t time. It’s courage.”

Trust isn’t built over years—it’s built in moments. And those moments require the willingness to take off the mask.

💡 Courage to admit when we don’t know something.

💡 Courage to ask for help.

💡 Courage to challenge ideas—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Trust is the foundation of a high-performing team because it enables open communication, collaboration, and accountability. Without it, everything else crumbles.

Trust creates psychological safety (people speak up), enables healthy conflict and better decision-making, drives commitment, encourages accountability, and ultimately fuels results.

But let’s be honest—this isn’t easy.

Being open at work feels risky because self-preservation is instinctive. No one wants to be the first to speak up, the first to admit a mistake, or the first to say, “I don’t understand.”

So, how do we create environments where trust isn’t a risk—but a strength?

One Answer? Ask Better Questions

One of the simplest (but most powerful) ways to break through the mask and build trust is through intentional questions.

🧩 Why? Because questions invite reciprocity. Research by Dr. Arthur Aron found that asking deep, meaningful questions can create strong bonds—even between strangers—in just 45 minutes.

When you take off your mask, others feel safe to do the same.

5 Questions That Build Trust at Work

💬 Curious Questions: “Tell me more?” Encourage storytelling and deeper insight. ➡️ “Can you tell me more about that project?”

💬 Clarifying Questions: “Help me understand?” Ensure clarity instead of making assumptions. ➡️ “Help me understand how this fits into the strategy?”

💬 Quiet Wake-Up Questions: “What’s your perspective?” Draw out quieter team members and fresh ideas. ➡️ “What’s your perspective on this?”

💬 Expert Questions: “Have you considered?” Challenge thinking and guide better decisions. ➡️ “Have you considered how this affects retention?”

💬 Rapport-Building Questions: “What do we share?” Strengthen relationships beyond work. ➡️ “What’s a hobby you enjoy outside of work?”

Want to Build More Trust in Your Team?

The best leaders know when to wear the mask—and when to take it off.

If you want practical strategies to create a high-trust, high-performance team, download my free guide: 👇🏼

📩 5 Key Ideas to Powerfully Connect with Your Team

Let’s Talk

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About Kirryn Zerna

Kirryn Zerna is an award-winning keynote speaker on connection, a LinkedIn Top Voice in Communications, Non-Executive Director, and author. Find out more.